Hulu’s latest buzz-worthy dating series, “Are You My First?,” boasts an audacious premise: it gathers what the streaming giant terms “the largest, hottest group of virgins ever assembled.” Against the backdrop of a sun-drenched resort, 21 conventionally attractive, self-identified virgins, ranging from their 20s to 30s, embark on a quest for an opposite-sex partner to help them shed their ‘V-card.’ It’s essentially a chaste version of a typical relationship competition show.
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Many contestants on “Are You My First?” openly share that their conservative religious convictions—primarily Christian and Mormon—are the driving force behind their decision to abstain from “that good stuff,” as one cast member memorably put it. Yet, even among themselves, definitions vary. One participant had never even been on a date, while another male contestant admitted to being sexually active in every way *except* for a “home run.”
The show, interestingly, refrains from either celebrating or condemning virginity. Instead, it positions sexual inexperience as a unique reality TV plot twist, akin to a groundbreaking ‘gay Bachelor’ storyline. Colton Underwood, who co-hosts the show with Kaitlyn Bristowe, famously broke ground in Bachelor Nation as its first virgin bachelor and later, the only male lead to come out as gay after his season.
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Karen Plumb, an executive producer for “Are You My First?,” characterizes the show as a “zeitgeisty” endeavor, aiming to explore adult virginity without judgment.
“I’m not surprised people are virgins,” she remarked in a recent interview. “They’re scared of sex, they’re scared of intimacy, and they’re scared of talking to people.”
Indeed, many participants on “Are You My First?” candidly discuss their profound fear of vulnerability and the potential embarrassment that comes with navigating relationships. Seen through a different lens, this delayed sexual experience mirrors what some call ‘Gen Z stare’—that blank, anxious expression seen from a cashier, for instance, in situations where a simple greeting might typically suffice. The crucial difference here, of course, is that a fulfilling sex life, not just a coffee, is on the line.
Carter Sherman, author of “The Second Coming: Sex and the Next Generation’s Fight Over Its Future,” notes that such anxieties are tell-tale signs of the so-called ‘sex recession’ that has captured the American imagination. And it’s not because young people aren’t interested in sex.
“They’re just profoundly anxious,” Ms. Sherman explains. “They put so much weight on sex and laden it with all these meanings that it’s not fun to pursue.”
According to Planned Parenthood, the average age Americans lose their virginity is 17. While a first sexual encounter can be daunting at any age, those fears can feel uniquely amplified when one is in their 30s.
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Kesia Constantine, a licensed psychologist based in New York, suggests that for adult virgins, sex can feel intensely “performative, and performance has a way of making people feel anxious.”
A show about virgin dating would likely spark conversation regardless of its release date. So, why is this particular series airing now? One possible explanation points to America’s current conservative cultural shift, marked by the rise of Christian influencers, ‘trad wives,’ and pro-natalists who primarily view sex as a means for procreation.
Hollis Griffin, a University of Michigan professor specializing in sexuality and media culture, believes that years of increasing political and cultural divisions over pronouns, gender identity, and sexual diversity have fueled a backlash. “I see this program as part of that,” he says.
“We’re in a moment—and I hope it’s brief—that it’s not cool to be different,” adds Professor Griffin, author of “Feeling Normal: Sexuality and Media Criticism in the Digital Age.” On “Are You My First?”, he argues, virginity is portrayed as “something competitive and conniving and transactional, and that’s opposed to an expansive take on sexuality.”
Delayed sexual experience also aligns with a broader decline in sexual activity among Americans, particularly within Gen Z. (Gen X women may be a notable exception.) Preliminary findings from a survey by the Kinsey Institute and DatingAdvice.com indicate that approximately one in five single American adults identifies as a virgin, defined as never having engaged in partnered sex acts.
Men are slightly more prone to report being virgins than women, and nearly half of Gen Z and a quarter of Millennials identify as virgins.
Spoiler alert: By the season finale of “Are You My First?,” all contestants, at least in terms of intercourse, remain virgins.
From classic French literature like “Bonjour Tristesse” to the Jonas Brothers’ purity rings, American popular culture has consistently explored sexual inexperience and first sexual encounters with a complex blend of shame and curiosity.
Starting in the 1950s, films began to touch on teenage desire but often portrayed it with punitive outcomes, especially for young women. “Splendor in the Grass” (1961), for example, depicts Natalie Wood’s character, Deanie, enduring immense suffering simply for yearning for sex.
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Social mores began to loosen following the sexual revolution of the 1960s, ushering in a golden age of virginity-losing films in the ’70s and ’80s—coincidentally, as the religious right gained political traction. Films like “Little Darlings” (1980), from a female perspective, and “Losin’ It” (1982), from a male viewpoint, depicted this rite of passage as something that brought both pleasure and regret.
On television, virginity storylines have driven shows as diverse as “The Facts of Life” and “Sex Education.” Many fans of “Beverly Hills, 90210” can still recall exactly where they were when Donna Martin lost her virginity to David Silver. Pop music, too, has long danced around the theme of virginity. Decades after the Shirelles pondered “Will You Love Me Tomorrow,” artists from Madonna (“Like a Virgin,” 1984) to Lorde (whose latest album is simply titled “Virgin”) continue to revisit the subject, whether literally, metaphorically, or somewhere in between.
In 2011, TLC introduced what arguably stands as the clearest precursor to “Are You My First?”: “Virgin Diaries,” which chronicled couples committed to waiting until marriage. And just this past spring, another TLC series, “Virgins,” followed adults who deferred sexual intimacy into their 30s and 40s.
These films and TV shows have often served as cultural mirrors, reflecting the prevailing attitudes of their eras. The “True Love Waits” pro-virginity movement, originating in Christian churches and culminating in widely publicized purity balls, gained significant mainstream attention in the 1990s. More recently, five years ago, “Virginity Rocks” T-shirts captivated Gen Z-ers, who wore them with a mix of genuine sentiment and playful irony.
“Club celibacy,” as Ms. Bristowe jokingly calls it on “Are You My First?,” is constantly being rebranded for new generations.
Critics weren’t exactly enthusiastic about “Are You My First?” “As chaotic as you’d expect,” wrote The Daily Beast, echoing many other reviews that questioned the show’s low stakes and overall purpose.
There’s currently no official word on whether “Are You My First?” will be renewed for a second season. Ms. Plumb, the executive producer, hinted that if it does return, the show might consider including queer contestants—though she acknowledged the challenge of defining their sexual debuts.
Like many reality TV productions, “Are You My First?” may find a significant portion of its audience tuning in for the ‘hate-watch’ experience. (Hulu has not released audience data from the show’s inaugural month of streaming.) Nevertheless, among the American television-viewing public, there’s undeniably an audience drawn to attractive individuals navigating conservative views on sex and sexuality.
And regardless of whether the show merely reflects a current cultural obsession with virginity, it might very well be a harbinger of things to come.
“I don’t care if young people are having less sex,” Ms. Sherman states. “But it’s worth paying attention to if sex is a proxy measure for people being vulnerable or building empathy for people who are different from themselves. Being willing to be intimate with people is key for an individual to have a full life and key for a society to function.”