Dr. Mattie Wolf, a 37-year-old neonatologist and pediatrician in Atlanta and a mother of two, has significant expertise in pregnancy and childcare.
Despite her professional background, Dr. Wolf found herself overwhelmed with unsolicited pregnancy advice from both relatives and complete strangers during her own pregnancies.
“It makes you question your instincts as a mother, wondering if your choices for your child are truly the best,” Dr. Wolf explained. “Even with my medical training, these comments still plant seeds of doubt.”
Recently, former President Trump strongly advised pregnant women against using Tylenol, citing unsupported claims of a link between acetaminophen and autism. While a presidential figure publicly urging expectant mothers to ‘tough it out’ through pain might seem unusual, mothers and healthcare providers confirm that such unsolicited advice, often emphasizing sacrificing personal comfort for the baby, is a pervasive issue pregnant individuals frequently face.
“His comments echoed a common sentiment pregnant women constantly encounter,” noted Emily Oster, founder of ParentData and an economics professor at Brown University. She elaborated, “This notion of ‘only take medication if it’s absolutely unavoidable, if conditions are truly desperate’ is something frequently heard, for instance, regarding antidepressants.”
New mothers are often burdened with blame for various outcomes, leading to significant stress, she added.
The Myth of Suffering: No Medals Awarded
Nicole Camardo, a certified nurse-midwife at the University of Illinois Hospital & Health Sciences System, observes a widespread belief, especially on social media, that pregnant individuals should ‘tough out’ discomfort, whether from pain, fever, or even labor itself.
“Many of my patients grapple with this mindset,” stated Dr. Camardo, who holds a doctorate in nursing practice. “They internalize feelings of failure if they opt for Tylenol, an epidural, or an induced labor. But the reality is, seeking medically appropriate relief or intervention is a sign of strength, not weakness.”
Just last week, she encountered patients who expressed “shame and concerns” about using Tylenol, despite the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists affirming its safety during pregnancy when guided by a physician.
“Suffering unnecessarily earns no accolades,” she quipped.
The practice of dispensing advice to pregnant women is, of course, ancient, Dr. Oster humorously noted, suggesting it’s been happening for eons.
Previously, such advice might come from a mother-in-law or neighbor, easy enough to dismiss. It wasn’t constantly in your face.
Today, however, amplified by social media and a continuous news cycle, this advice is relentless, overwhelming people’s nervous systems in a way unprecedented even a decade or two ago.
What makes this moment particularly distinctive, Dr. Oster highlighted, is a president commenting on a medical issue where the established scientific community generally agrees that the practice in question is ‘largely acceptable.’
Hannah Everett, a 27-year-old stay-at-home mother of two toddlers, made an effort to disregard the stream of unsolicited advice she received during both pregnancies. Comments ranged from ‘You should gain more weight for the baby’ to ‘Why did you gain so much weight?’ and even contradictory directives like ‘You should breastfeed!’ followed by ‘Oh no, don’t pump!’
“Ultimately, what people offer isn’t truly advice,” stated Ms. Everett from Charleston, S.C. “They seek to control your pregnancy journey.”
Upon hearing Mr. Trump’s stance on Tylenol during pregnancy, she admitted to laughing. Throughout the final months of her pregnancies, severe pelvic and back pain made Tylenol her only respite, enabling her to sleep.
Eroding Trust: The Impact on Maternal Confidence
Dr. Linda Eckert, a professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Washington, expressed concern that the president’s statement would ‘amplify anxieties’ and reinforce the idea that mothers must endure suffering for their child’s benefit. She summarized the implicit message: ‘If you seek pain relief, like Tylenol, you’re simply not resilient enough.’
This ceaseless barrage of external opinions, however well-meaning, can profoundly affect the crucial relationship between expectant mothers and their healthcare providers, Dr. Eckert pointed out.
“As medical professionals, it’s challenging because we’re not just speaking to the patient, but to an entire chorus of voices who have already influenced them,” she elaborated.
Gabrielle Lind, a New York-based licensed clinical social worker focusing on perinatal mental health, noted that clients frequently present with feelings of ‘worry or guilt over epidurals, using SSRIs for anxiety or depression during pregnancy or breastfeeding, or even shame when considering stopping breastfeeding due to pain or unmanageability.’
She characterized this as an incessant cultural narrative dictating what ‘good’ mothers should or shouldn’t do, eroding their self-trust. A significant part of her therapeutic approach involves encouraging clients to vocalize these societal pressures, thereby alleviating the shame often associated with conforming to cultural stigmas.
On a practical note, she advises caution regarding social media influencers and reminds clients to only seek advice when genuinely confronting a problem.
Dr. Eckert frequently initiates conversations by asking, ‘Have you encountered any information that makes you question what I’m advising?’ This approach helps acknowledge the overwhelming amount of conflicting advice women receive.
Yet, for expectant mothers, silencing this constant external clamor remains a formidable challenge.
Keeya-Lee Ayre, 33, experienced severe nausea, migraines, and intense body pain during her pregnancy, which resulted in her son’s birth in 2019. With multiple postgraduate degrees and a background as a researcher, most acquaintances in her life refrained from offering unsolicited health advice.
Nonetheless, she felt overwhelmed by public health guidelines that often contradicted her obstetrician’s advice, leading to considerable self-doubt.
“Driven by intense anxiety, I was hesitant to take any risks,” Ms. Ayre, an Atlanta resident, confessed. “I absorbed so much of that pressure.”
She firmly believes that individuals with significant public platforms bear a responsibility to thoughtfully consider the messages they deliver to mothers.
“Mothers already navigate immense pressure and countless expectations,” she concluded. “Carelessly adding more simply isn’t helpful.”