Welcome to your essential dose of late-night humor, where we distill the best moments so you can catch up without losing sleep. Consider us your comedy curators!
Colbert Crowns the Conflict: ‘Waregon’
The nation’s attention turned to former President Trump’s surprising announcement on Saturday: a plan to dispatch federal troops to Portland, Oregon, a city he controversially labeled “war-ravaged.” On Monday’s “Late Show,” Stephen Colbert wasted no time in satirizing the situation, proclaiming, “that our nation is at war — with Oregon. It’s Waregon.”
“How did we arrive at this dark day? [shrugging] I’unno.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Yes, history will never forget the Battle of Portland, when we freed the citizens from the tyranny of overpriced doughnut shops and white ladies with dreadlocks named Raindrop.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Over the weekend, President Trump announced he’s sending troops to Portland, Ore., to protect I.C.E. facilities under attack by Antifa. They’ve already begun dispersing the crowds by holding up job applications.” — TOM SHILLUE, guest host of “Gutfeld!”
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“President Trump on Saturday ordered the Defense Department to deploy troops to Portland to secure the city. From what? Farmers markets? The only crime in Portland is the price of locally sourced honey.” — SETH MEYERS
“Portland? Did I miss Vancouver attacking Portland in a fierce battle of mellow artisans? ‘Don’t shoot ’til you see the whites of their cold foam half-caff latte art.’” — JON STEWART
“Of course, this isn’t our first war with Portland. We’ve all seen the classic war movies, like ‘Full Flannel Jacket’ and ‘All Vegan on the West Side Brunch.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (James Comey Edition)
“James Comey, our former F.B.I. director, was indicted today by the Trump administration. I didn’t even know he had a talk show. Unbelievable.” — BILL MAHER
“Trump is in his ‘we caught you with your taillight out’ phase of justice. They will find something to pull you over for.” — BILL MAHER
“If Trump can indict a former F.B.I. director, anyone who has ever stood up to Trump has to worry about being thrown in jail. And I will fight that with every fiber of my being or my name is not Jimmy Fallon. F-A-L-L-O-N.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Must-See Moments
Musical surprise! Mariah Carey captivated the “Tonight Show” audience on Monday by sharing a snippet from a grunge album she secretly recorded back in 1995. You won’t want to miss it!
Anticipating Tuesday Night
Get ready for a special treat on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live” as Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel sit down together to compare notes and share laughs. It’s a late-night crossover event not to be missed!
Beyond Late Night
In a surprising theatrical reunion, “Bill & Ted” stars Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter took to the Broadway stage in a new production of Samuel Beckett’s profound tragicomedy, “Waiting for Godot.”