Hurt feelings can sneak up on us, even in seemingly harmless situations. For instance, it’s completely understandable that your daughter-in-law might spend more time with her own family, especially if they live closer. And while many of us naturally feel a stronger bond with our immediate family than with in-laws, and that often shows up in our social media habits, your feeling of exclusion is valid and genuinely painful.
However, my advice would be not to confront your daughter-in-law directly about her Instagram stories. It is, after all, her personal space online. Would a few photos posted out of obligation truly make you feel better? Instead, the deeper issue here seems to be the quality of your relationship, and that’s where your energy should go.
Now, I’m well aware that improving a relationship can be an uphill battle, especially with the common dynamic between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. But what do you have to lose? Shift your focus from activities centered only on your son and granddaughters, and actively try to involve your daughter-in-law. Invite her for a casual lunch, offer to babysit the girls so she and your son can have a night out, if that’s within your means. The key is to take the initiative with specific, thoughtful invitations. With two young children, she’s likely overwhelmed, so don’t wait for her to make the plans. Over time, you might find your relationship growing stronger – and as a bonus, perhaps you’ll start appearing in those Instagram stories, but the real reward will be the genuine connection you build.
Sorry, Husband Is Not on the Menu
My husband and I share a friendship with a couple in our neighborhood, and for the past five years, we’ve enjoyed occasional dinners out with them. But lately, it’s become glaringly obvious that the wife is completely fixated on my husband. Every comment she makes is directed solely at him, and she rarely makes eye contact with anyone else. My husband, for his part, seems rather flattered by the attention, but it definitely sours the evening for me. I’m hesitant to jeopardize our friendship, but should I consider discussing this with her privately?
It’s truly baffling why you would continue to arrange dinners with someone who has clearly harbored a significant crush on your husband for half a decade! This isn’t a fleeting infatuation. Speaking to her privately won’t magically make her feelings disappear; it will likely just teach her to be more discreet about them. And curiously, you haven’t even mentioned her husband in this scenario. Where’s the joy in these gatherings for you? It’s probably time to refresh your contact list and find a more suitable couple for your next dinner invitation.
Changing the Locks (as a Gesture of Love)
Seventeen years ago, I gave my wife’s sister and her husband a key to our Manhattan apartment, inviting them to use it whenever they wished. At the time, my wife and I lived in the Southwest. They never took us up on the offer, and for the last decade, we’ve resided in the apartment full-time. Given their advanced age and physical limitations, I highly doubt they’ll ever visit now. So, I’d like to gently ask for the key back; the thought of it floating around makes me uneasy. However, my wife insists I drop the topic, believing they might have forgotten about the key or even where it is, and my request could cause them distress. What should I do?
I completely understand your concern about an old apartment key being unaccounted for, even if it has been out there for 17 years without causing any trouble. I also empathize with your wife’s desire to avoid upsetting or embarrassing her sister, especially if their relationship is important to her. In this case, I’d strongly suggest deferring to your wife’s feelings. Instead of asking for the key back, simply call a locksmith and have the lock changed. It’s a simple, discreet solution that ensures everyone wins!
Simon Cowell, You Are Not
I have a colleague who frequently posts recordings of himself singing karaoke on social media, mixing them in with his professional updates. He doesn’t seem to be doing it for laughs; he genuinely appears to believe people want to hear him sing. The problem is, he’s absolutely terrible! I feel like a true friend would gently tell him to stop. What’s the right thing to do?
Please, just leave him be! Life is tough enough. If your co-worker finds joy in sharing his karaoke sessions, let him indulge. Bad singing isn’t a crime, and he’s not asking for your critique or forcing you to listen. We don’t need to pass judgment on every single thing that crosses our digital paths.
For help with your awkward situations, send a question to Philip Galanes on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip on X.