A reader asks:
“My husband and I recently moved into a new apartment complex and quickly made friends with several neighbors by the pool. With some, politics came up, and we felt aligned. However, there’s one lovely couple whose political views remain a complete mystery to us. Given how important the state of our country is to us, we’re hesitant to socialize with anyone whose beliefs don’t align with ours. Should we continue this friendship with an unknown political dynamic, or should we be upfront about our stance and observe their reaction?”
You absolutely have the right to choose your company. However, I’m not a proponent of subjecting everyone you meet to a strict political litmus test. Cultivating a diverse circle of friends – encompassing various genders, races, sexual orientations, socioeconomic backgrounds, and yes, even political leanings – offers a valuable opportunity to understand different perspectives and the reasons behind them. For me, this broadens horizons.
Naturally, this isn’t an endorsement to befriend individuals whose views you find genuinely abhorrent. Nor do I believe that total alignment on every hot-button issue is a prerequisite for casual poolside conversation. The stakes here are relatively low; these are potential occasional dinner guests, not candidates for guardianship of your children.
While you deserve peace and relaxation in your free time, this couple hasn’t done anything to cause you aggravation. In fact, their discretion with new acquaintances is quite admirable. (Speaking for myself, I sometimes find I know far too much about the political views of people who are quite peripheral to my life!) If you enjoy their company, simply continue to see them until you no longer do. That approach seems far more gracious than subjecting them to a political interrogation solely to potentially dismiss them.
Image Credit: Miguel Porlan
Not Her Finest Moment. But Not an Easy One, Either.
A concerned friend writes:
“I have a close friend with whom I’ve always had an open relationship, but she’s now struggling with short-term memory loss. When I faced hearing loss, she kindly brought it to my attention, which I appreciated. However, when I expressed my worries about her memory, she responded sarcastically: ‘Thank you so very much for bringing my short-term memory issues to my attention.’ She even brushed off her husband’s concerns. What can we do to help her?”
It’s crucial to approach your friend with patience and profound compassion. Facing early signs of cognitive decline can be terrifying. Unlike hearing loss, for which there are often clear interventions, options for cognitive decline can be limited, and she may need significant time to come to terms with this.
Gently encourage her husband to arrange a doctor’s assessment for her. Her memory issues might simply be a side effect of medication, but a professional consultation is essential to determine the cause and explore any possible treatment paths. Regardless of her current dismissive reactions, please know that you are demonstrating the true meaning of friendship.
A One-Stop Paper Route With Zero Appreciation
A generous reader asks:
“For the past two years, I’ve consistently passed my newspaper along to an acquaintance once I’m done with it. I’ve also extended invitations for him to join me at concerts when I have a spare ticket. There’s a notable age difference between us – I’m 87 and he’s 68 – and our connection is strictly platonic. Yet, throughout this entire time, he has never once invited me to lunch or even offered a simple thank-you like bringing a pizza. I find myself growing resentful and am considering ending the relationship. Am I being selfish for feeling this way?”
Quite the contrary! Your generosity towards your friend is evident, and your frustration at feeling unappreciated is entirely understandable. You are absolutely free to end the relationship if you wish, simply by stating: “I’ve made other arrangements for my newspaper.” And that would be the end of it.
However, wouldn’t it be more beneficial for both you and your friend to address this imbalance directly? Consider saying, “I’m genuinely bothered that you haven’t reciprocated my generosity with the papers and concert tickets. Would you please take that into consideration?” Sometimes, people just need a gentle nudge in the right direction. While it’s certainly not your obligation, if an honest conversation can easily resolve the issue, you might find continued enjoyment in the friendship.
Just Go With the Flow (of Traffic)
A longtime resident shares a dilemma:
“For 33 years, I’ve lived on a quiet dead-end street where neighbors always respected our unwritten rules of community. Recently, new residents have moved in and are consistently parking their cars facing against the legal flow of traffic in front of their homes. We’ve even called the police, but they, understandably, have more pressing matters. While no one wants confrontation, this behavior feels incredibly inconsiderate. Do you have any suggestions on how to handle this?”
Like you, I am naturally inclined to follow rules (and admittedly, I’m not a big fan of change!). However, contacting the police for this particular issue seems like a bit of an overreaction. If the unconventional parking genuinely bothers you, why not approach your new neighbors with a friendly, non-confrontational conversation? This offers an excellent opportunity to introduce yourselves, and you might discover they are far more neighborly than you currently perceive.
For more insights on awkward social situations, consider submitting your own question.