One autumn morning, Brandi Carlile awoke in an unfamiliar barn, feeling adrift, a bit hungover, and profoundly alone. It was a stark contrast to the whirlwind six years she had just experienced.
She had arrived just after her last “Joni Jam,” the legendary series of concerts she helped create at the Hollywood Bowl with her idol, Joni Mitchell. These performances, featuring numerous rock and pop stars, marked the pinnacle of Carlile’s career. With her powerful voice, 11 Grammys, and a knack for inspiring legends, she seemed unstoppable.
Her musical heroes, like Sir Elton John, had become close friends. She had a loving wife and two daughters, a bustling family compound, and even an acclaimed supergroup. By all accounts, she had reached the summit of her ambitions, remarking, “I had done everything. Twenty-five years of career-development work, in five or six years.”
Yet, she found herself at a breaking point, feeling as if she had lost her footing and forgotten how to stand independently.
In this quiet upstate New York retreat, she penned a poem reflecting her deep introspection: “Why is it heroic to untether? / How is alone some holy grail?”
This moment of profound questioning became a song, and, she mused, perhaps a midlife crisis.
These verses blossomed into “Returning to Myself,” the powerful title track of her upcoming album, set for release on October 24th. The song began with Aaron Dessner of The National, renowned for his barn studio, marking their first collaboration. Later, Dessner’s friend Justin Vernon of Bon Iver joined in. The track showcases a fresh sonic landscape, blending Carlile’s signature guitars and orchestral elements with subtle distortion and delay. Notably, she is the sole vocalist, her versatile voice layering into rich background harmonies.
Carlile shared that this new project and its collaborators fostered a “permissive space, sonically.” Paradoxically, she noted, “but it didn’t feel new. It felt really old. Like back to my very beginnings, when I first started writing songs, and the way I first felt living outside of Seattle.”
At 44, Carlile, a lifelong resident of rural Washington, has led a band for over twenty-five years. The collaborative songwriting process with her bandmates, especially twin guitarists Phil and Tim Hanseroth, was deeply ingrained. For this album, however, she embarked on a solo writing journey, delving into her personal narrative. She describes it as a pivotal album, drawing inspiration from works like Lucinda Williams’s “Car Wheels on a Gravel Road” and Emmylou Harris’s “Wrecking Ball.” The album radiates the polish and self-assuredness of an artist truly coming into her own, weaving memories and mature reflections into its lyrics.
Reflecting on her newfound confidence, Carlile stated, “I’m not scared at all about what people think about the album. I’m way past that, and I’ve never felt that way before putting out music.”
During a recent afternoon in a greenroom at Electric Lady, the legendary Greenwich Village recording studio, Carlile captivated an audience of invited guests as she previewed her new album. Sipping an espresso martini and sharing engaging anecdotes, she rhythmically mouthed the lyrics and tapped along to the beats, remarking, “I know every drum fill, every tom hit.” Her casual charm effortlessly won over the room.
After being gently pulled away by her wife, Catherine Shepherd, from a lengthy round of greetings, Carlile finally relaxed on a couch, propping up her feet in white Chucks. Dressed in jeans and a Valentino tweed jacket adorned with stylist-chosen pins, plus a miniature silver guitar from Elton John, she shed the blazer to reveal a T-shirt with a hole, transforming from rock star back into her authentic self.
Carlile reflected on her youth, admitting to having “tunnel vision.” She recalled, “I couldn’t even carry on a conversation with you unless we were talking about music and my ambition.” Now, she feels her life is more diverse, achieving a greater sense of balance and centeredness in her current age.
Over a nearly two-hour conversation, I observed both sides of Brandi Carlile: the acclaimed artist, with a best-selling memoir and a self-built empire of music festivals, and the grounded Pacific Northwest mother. She lives close to her childhood elementary school, enjoys grocery shopping and cooking, and dedicates her spare time to crabbing, shrimping, and fishing for rockfish and halibut—activities she pursues on her boat, playfully named “Captain Fantastic” after Elton John’s iconic album.
Far from being a solitary figure, Carlile and her bandmates, whose families have intertwined through marriage, share a bohemian commune in the forested foothills of the Cascade Mountains. Here, they engage in collective child-rearing and music-making, their homes mere yards apart. Carlile intentionally keeps the path to her home unpaved, explaining that the sound of “car wheels on a gravel road” signals an arrival, promising that “whatever’s happening in the day, it’s about to change.”
This solo creative venture was unusual for Carlile and initially unsettling. However, it proved lyrically fruitful. Dessner, known for his cinematic and emotive compositions, and a frequent producer for Taylor Swift, noted, “It was just coming, all fully formed — like she’s tapping into some ancient thread of consciousness.” He added, “Musically, for me, it’s always really interesting when people are in transition.”
Carlile had long been a sought-after collaborator for Dessner. He praised her as “incredibly personable and magnetic,” possessing “legitimate artistic gifts,” and a truly “singular voice in music.” Both inside and outside the studio, he found her remarkably transparent. “A lot of artists are more cagey,” he observed, “Brandi is very much about community and building connections.”
A pivotal experience for Carlile was attending Lilith Fair, Sarah McLachlan’s all-women music festival, as a teenager. This inspired her to create “Girls Just Wanna,” an annual weekend festival in Mexico since 2019, featuring female and nonbinary artists, many from the LGBTQ+ community. Carlile humorously noted, “I travel there every year with 28 kids. Their sunscreen will never be topped up more.” McLachlan, who performed in 2024, lauded it as “a well-run, inclusive, joyous festival.”
McLachlan admired Carlile’s inspiring ability “to manage so much at once with such grace.”
Beyond her own hit songs, such as the anthemic “The Joke” and the soaring “The Story,” Carlile is celebrated for her vocal and production collaborations. She has performed duets with a diverse array of rock, country, folk, and pop icons, including Elton John, with whom she released the album “Who Believes in Angels?” in April. In 2019, she produced a Grammy-winning comeback record for country star Tanya Tucker, earning two awards, including Best Country Album.
Carlile describes her deep involvement with artists she admires as an “obsession.” She explained, “I see the whole path, from the first downbeat to the Grammy.” This intense focus led to a career-defining Grammy night for her, a rare feat six albums into an artist’s career. When producing for country singer Brandy Clark, Carlile confessed to sleepless nights, consumed with worry about Clark’s interviews and whether she gave herself adequate credit as a songwriter. Their powerful duet, “Dear Insecurity,” also garnered a Grammy last year.
Perhaps Carlile’s most celebrated collaboration is with Joni Mitchell, the 81-year-old folk icon. Meeting about six years ago, Carlile observed that Mitchell, still recovering from a severe brain aneurysm in 2015, felt overlooked by contemporary culture. Mitchell believed that music fans “didn’t appreciate” her, Carlile recounted, adding, “Not just that, but they didn’t even like her.”
This perceived lack of appreciation spurred Carlile to organize an extraordinary series of concerts celebrating Mitchell. From her majestic, thronelike chair, Mitchell sang with remarkable strength and joy. Carlile described the experience as “me getting the front-row seat to a miracle.”
The Joni Jams eventually concluded, by necessity. Carlile admitted that Mitchell’s immense appeal meant she would “just do that” indefinitely if the concerts continued. However, Mitchell had moved on to other passions, including her painting and a forthcoming biopic. Carlile expressed, “The less she wants to do it, the happier I am for her.”
Carlile still visits Mitchell when she feels ready for the formidable experience. “Joni will drink your ass under the table,” Carlile revealed, adding, “She’s really burly; people don’t know.” Carlile’s album, “Returning to Myself,” includes a charming and humorous sax-infused tribute called “Joni,” celebrating Mitchell as “a wild woman.” Carlile shared that Mitchell’s preferred party spot is around a tombstone she owns in Hollywood, where she’ll arrive with sandwiches and Champagne to dance with friends on her own grave. When Carlile played the song for her, Mitchell laughed unexpectedly, and at the end, simply said, “You [expletive],” while beaming.
The Hanseroth twins, both 50, have been Carlile’s indispensable collaborators since she was 18. After the intense periods working with Elton John and Joni Mitchell, they didn’t anticipate another album so soon. Tim Hanseroth, in a joint interview with his brother, remarked that Carlile “just seemed really spent” from managing so many projects alongside her own career. Yet, he conceded, “she operates at a high level of performance, not like the rest of us do. She’s kind of a machine that way.”
Despite her machine-like work ethic, Carlile remains deeply emotional on stage. She recounted crying “When I first walked out onstage at Madison Square Garden.” During the listening session, the poignant track “You Without Me,” which captures a parent’s realization of their child’s growing independence, brought tears to my eyes.
Carlile shared that she often has to “go to another place” when performing the song, adding, “and if I look out and I see another woman crying while I’m singing it, it’s like, that’s it.” The song, originally on her album with Elton John, was suggested by him for this new record, with his emphatic instruction: “Get that [expletive] banjo off!” from the track it replaced.
Upon leaving Dessner’s Long Pond studio with a collection of almost-finished songs, Carlile and her band quickly headed to Los Angeles. There, they collaborated with producer Andrew Watt, who had also worked on the Carlile-John album. Watt’s direct, outspoken nature starkly contrasted with Dessner’s introspective style. Tim Hanseroth humorously noted of Watt, “You don’t ever have to worry about what’s on his mind. It’s coming out of his mouth half a second later — which is great.”
Justin Vernon’s unexpected contributions added the final touch of magic. Carlile recounted that on their first day, “He was wearing an Emmylou Harris ‘Wrecking Ball’ T-shirt. It was a sign.” She characterized his input as “otherworldly.”
Carlile is so deeply connected to the album’s material that she finds it hard to move on. For instance, the powerful political anthem “Church & State” initially featured a spoken-word recitation of the First Amendment. However, after screaming the part during a performance at Red Rocks amphitheater last month, she decided, “I liked that better. So now I’m going to go in and record over the talking bit, and have it be screaming.” The audience’s enthusiastic response confirmed her decision.
In “Returning to Myself,” Carlile openly contemplates the meaning of solitude, posing the question, “Is it evolving turning inward?”
After her profound exploration, what did she conclude?
“I don’t think so,” she replied. While acknowledging the importance of inner stability, she emphasized, “aloneness is not necessary to find yourself.” It is, rather, just one potential starting point on a journey of self-discovery.