Elizabeth Gilbert, the beloved author of the transformative memoir ‘Eat, Pray, Love,’ captivated millions with her journey to inner peace. Yet, as she reveals in a recent ‘Modern Love’ podcast interview, her path was far from over. Gilbert candidly opens up about a new, darker chapter of her life, detailed in her latest memoir, ‘All the Way to the River,’ which explores a love story that nearly destroyed her.
Gilbert recounts the profound, unconventional romantic relationship she developed with her best friend, Rayya, following the end of her marriage. For years, Rayya was ‘her person’—a muse, an inspiration, and an unwavering source of safety. Their bond was deep, built on radical honesty and a shared fearlessness in different aspects of life. However, this intense connection took a perilous turn when Rayya was diagnosed with terminal cancer.
As Rayya’s health declined, Gilbert discovered a hidden truth: Rayya, a recovering addict, had relapsed into secret drinking, smoking, and using psychedelics. The situation escalated dramatically with Rayya’s use of opioids for pain, which quickly spiraled into cocaine and fentanyl abuse. Gilbert, unknowingly, fell into a pattern of codependency, making Rayya her ‘god,’ indulging her every whim, and sacrificing her own well-being in a desperate attempt to secure ‘LAVA’—Love, Attention, Validation, and Acceptance.
The chaos reached a terrifying peak when a sleep-deprived and overwhelmed Gilbert contemplated a plan to murder Rayya. In a shocking moment of clarity, almost a ‘divine salvation,’ Rayya, despite being heavily under the influence, perceived Gilbert’s intent and challenged her: ‘Don’t you start plotting against me now, Liz. Think very carefully about what you’re about to do.’ This chilling encounter, coupled with a guiding inner voice, spurred Gilbert to seek help, realizing she had reached the end of her own power.
This revelation led Gilbert to 12-step recovery programs for sex and love addiction and codependency. Initially resistant, she soon grasped that she, not Rayya, was the consistent problem in her relationships, repeatedly losing herself to others. While Rayya eventually found a period of sobriety and peace before her death, allowing Gilbert a loving goodbye, Gilbert’s own recovery was a prolonged battle against deeply ingrained patterns.
Today, six years sober, Gilbert defines her sobriety as consciously choosing not to ‘use’ anyone to alter her internal chemistry. This means avoiding ‘intriguing’ (planting seeds of potential romantic connection) and even flirting, which she recognizes as unsafe for her. Her life is now dedicated to self-accountability, cultivating a rich inner world through meditation and prayer, and embracing serenity. She no longer seeks external validation from her readers or the world, valuing her hard-won peace above all else. Her shaved head, once a source of insecurity, has become a symbol of her newfound freedom and self-acceptance—a radical act of living for herself, not for others.