Heads turned the moment Raye Schiller arrived at the JQ International Impact Awards brunch fund-raiser in March 2022 at the Skirball Cultural Center in Los Angeles.
Mx. Schiller, exuding cool in a three-piece mauve suit and a sharp buzz haircut, was a fresh face in the city’s Jewish L.G.B.T.Q. community, temporarily residing with her father as she sought a new home.
“I was struck by her presence,” recalled Justin Joseph Nemanpour, known as Jay, who greeted Mx. Schiller with a clipboard in hand. “It was so strong. More than just the look.”
“I’m sure he’s a gay man,” Mx. Schiller initially thought. “I’m only dating women.” Both individuals identify as queer and gender fluid, and both use “they” pronouns.
To Mx. Schiller’s surprise, Jay did date women, and despite the apparent romantic mismatch, he found himself instantly smitten.
Mr. Nemanpour, 29, grew up in Los Angeles within a Persian-Jewish family. He earned a bachelor’s degree in Jewish studies from the University of California, Los Angeles, and a master’s degree in Jewish nonprofit management at Hebrew Union College Zelikow in Los Angeles. He currently manages properties at the Neman Group, a multifamily leasing and management company in Los Angeles.
“I run the only Queer Jewish Orthodox Moishe House,” he informed her. “Take my number, you have to join us.” (Globally, over 100 Moishe Houses cater to diverse communities, offering young adults a welcoming home environment).
Mx. Schiller initially doubted she would ever take him up on the offer, but eventually, she did.
“He became a vital part of my L.A. friends group,” she shared. “It was him and five or six other queer Jews. We’d regularly share Shabbat dinners.”
During a solo cross-country road trip from New York between October 2021 and January 2022, Mx. Schiller, who grew up in both Los Angeles and Queens, N.Y., also began her foray into standup comedy, drawing inspiration from her Orthodox Jewish queer background.
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In April 2023, Mr. Nemanpour hired her to perform a 10-minute set at a comedy show for JQ, an L.G.B.T.Q. Jewish organization. Since then, she has performed on international stages, built a significant presence on Instagram, and co-hosts a podcast called “Yenta!” with fellow comedian and actor Antonia Lassar.
Mx. Schiller, 30, works remotely as a software engineer at One Switchboard, a progressive political campaign software company based in Washington. She graduated summa cum laude with a bachelor’s degree in digital media from Hunter College and William E. Macaulay Honors College of the City University of New York, and holds a master’s degree in software engineering from Cornell Tech in New York.
That December, their friendship deepened during a stay at an Airbnb with two friends in Idyllwild-Pine Cove, California, a whimsical town where a golden retriever named Maximus Mighty-Dog Mueller III serves as honorary mayor. They danced to alternative techno music and engaged in playful wrestling matches.
“We broke the friend barrier,” Mx. Schiller recounted, describing it not as “a passionate make-out kiss, but a what-is-going-on-kiss.”
They started dating in semi-secrecy but broke up a couple of months later. “I was trying to build a logical case that we could be together,” Jay admitted, noting that dating a man, even a gender-fluid one, “was a far-fetched idea for her.”
By the end of April 2024, they realized how much they missed each other. As friends, they enjoyed a picnic at Wattles Garden Park overlooking Los Angeles. Later that evening, Mr. Nemanpour joined Mx. Schiller at a standup gig in Burbank. As always, she could pick out his laugh from the audience.
“He has a beautiful, loud laugh,” Mx. Schiller said fondly.
After the show, while waiting in his car to pick up her father for dinner, she found herself browsing dating apps like Hinge and Tinder.
“Why date these people?” Mr. Nemanpour asked. “I’m right here. I can give you what you need.”
They reconciled that very evening, providing her, she noted, “a new wellspring of material for standup.”
A clip they publicly shared about their relationship, titled “Love is Love,” quickly went viral, garnering millions of views on Instagram and TikTok. “Our relationship might seem confusing or unusual, but people can clearly see the love is real — we simply don’t conform to neat societal gender or sexuality boxes,” Mx. Schiller explained.
“We should date for a year, and either get engaged or break up,” Mr. Nemanpour declared during one of their half-dozen camping trips in the summer of 2024, where he proudly displayed the pink, purple, and blue-striped bisexual flag and hung twinkly lights.
In March, Mx. Schiller proposed on one knee in Joshua Tree National Park, beneath two interlocking trees where she had arranged a rug, pillows, and champagne. A week later, on Purim, he reciprocated, getting down on one knee in his apartment amidst roses and candles, dressed in a cowboy Purim costume.
On September 14, Rabbi Igael Gurin-Malous, the senior rabbi at Beit T’Shuvah in Los Angeles, known as Rabbi Iggy, officiated a ceremony that beautifully wove together queer elements with Ashkenazi and Persian traditions. The event was attended by 350 guests at Casa Lago in Beverly Hills, California.
As for their future, Mr. Nemanpour revealed, “We are changing our name to Shemen, which means oil. It represents fluidity, a strong livelihood, and a solid foundation to build the beautiful life we aspire to live.”