Dr. Mattie Wolf, a 37-year-old neonatologist and pediatrician in Atlanta, is also a mother of two young children.
Despite her extensive medical background, Dr. Wolf found herself overwhelmed with unsolicited pregnancy advice from both close family and complete strangers during her own pregnancies.
“It truly makes you second-guess your decisions as a mother, even when you’re well-informed,” Dr. Wolf shared. “Coming from a background rooted in evidence-based medicine, it’s surprising how easily self-doubt can creep in.”
Recently, former President Trump strongly advised against taking Tylenol during pregnancy, citing unsubstantiated links to autism. While a president publicly urging pregnant women to “tough it out” through pain is unusual, mothers and healthcare professionals confirm that this type of unsolicited advice, often focused on prioritizing the baby and avoiding interventions, is an all too common experience for expectant mothers.
“His statements echoed what pregnant women frequently encounter,” noted Emily Oster, founder of ParentData and a professor of economics at Brown University. She elaborated, “The notion of ‘only take it if you absolutely have to, if things have gotten so bad that there’s no other option’ is a familiar refrain, similar to advice often given about medications like SSRIs.”
New mothers are routinely made to feel responsible for unforeseen issues and, consequently, experience significant stress.
No Medals for Suffering
Nicole Camardo, a certified nurse-midwife at the University of Illinois Hospital & Health Sciences System, concurs, highlighting the pervasive “tough it out” mentality for pregnant individuals—whether dealing with pain, fever, or even labor itself—especially within online communities.
“In my practice, I witness patients grappling with these pressures,” stated Dr. Camardo, who holds a doctorate in nursing practice. “They internalize feelings of failure if they opt for Tylenol, an epidural, or an induction. However, seeking medically appropriate relief or intervention is a sign of strength, not weakness.”
Just this past week, she observed patients expressing shame and confusion regarding Tylenol use, despite the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists affirming its safety during pregnancy when used as directed by a healthcare provider.
“There’s no reward for unnecessary suffering,” she emphasized.
Indeed, giving advice to pregnant women is a timeless tradition, a practice Dr. Oster lightheartedly suggests has existed for eons.
“However, in the past, it was often limited to a mother-in-law or a neighbor, easily dismissed,” she explained. “It wasn’t a constant barrage.”
Today, fueled by social media and a relentless news cycle, this advice has become a constant, overwhelming presence, unlike anything experienced even a couple of decades ago.
This current situation is particularly noteworthy, as a major political figure has contradicted the medical establishment, which generally deems certain practices as acceptable.
Hannah Everett, a 27-year-old stay-at-home mother of two, recounts her efforts to deflect the constant unsolicited advice during both pregnancies. Comments ranged from “You should gain more weight for the baby” to “Why did you gain so much weight?”, and from “Are you breastfeeding? You really should be” to “Definitely don’t pump.”
“Ultimately, I wouldn’t even categorize it as ‘advice’ people try to offer,” said Ms. Everett, from Charleston, S.C. “It felt more like an attempt to dictate my entire pregnancy journey.”
Upon hearing the former President’s remarks on Tylenol and pregnancy, she admitted, “I honestly just laughed.” She relied on Tylenol to manage significant pelvic and back pain in the late stages of her pregnancies, stating it was “the only thing that got me through and helped my sleep.”
Undermining Maternal Confidence
Dr. Linda Eckert, a professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Washington, expressed concern that such high-profile statements could exacerbate anxieties and reinforce the harmful notion that women should endure suffering for their babies. “Now, they’re implicitly being told that if they seek pain relief, even Tylenol, they’re simply not resilient enough,” she explained.
The ceaseless influx of external opinions—however well-intentioned—can significantly complicate the relationship between expectant mothers and their healthcare providers, Dr. Eckert noted.
“As a medical provider, the challenge is understanding that you’re not just addressing the patient in front of you,” she said. “You’re also implicitly responding to every other person who has offered them advice.”
Gabrielle Lind, a licensed clinical social worker in New York specializing in perinatal mental health, frequently sees clients struggling with worry or guilt. These feelings often stem from choices like getting an epidural, using SSRIs for anxiety or depression during pregnancy or breastfeeding, or even considering discontinuing breastfeeding due to pain or difficulty.
Lind characterizes this as relentless cultural messaging dictating what “good” mothers should or shouldn’t do, ultimately eroding their self-trust. A significant part of her work involves helping clients vocalize these societal pressures, aiming to alleviate the shame often associated with choices made under cultural scrutiny.
Practically, she advises clients to be wary of social media influencers and to only seek advice when genuinely facing an issue.
Dr. Eckert frequently asks patients, “Have you heard anything that makes you concerned about what I’m telling you?” This approach acknowledges the overwhelming nature of the advice women receive and helps address potential conflicts.
However, for expectant mothers, silencing this pervasive noise remains a significant challenge.
Keeya-Lee Ayre, 33, a researcher with multiple postgraduate degrees, experienced severe nausea, migraines, and body pain during her 2019 pregnancy. Despite her academic background, which often deterred others from offering unsolicited health advice, she still felt besieged by conflicting information.
She recounted feeling overwhelmed by frequently contradictory public health guidelines that often conflicted with her obstetrician’s advice, leading to considerable self-doubt.
“I was so anxious that I was unwilling to take any risks,” said Ms. Ayre, based in Atlanta. “I ended up internalizing a lot of that pressure.”
She firmly believes that individuals with significant public platforms carry a responsibility to be mindful of the messages they disseminate to mothers.
“Mothers are already under immense pressure and face countless expectations,” she concluded. “Carelessly adding to that burden is unhelpful.”