Just last summer, the internet was abuzz with women confidently outlining their ideal partner: a man in finance, 6-foot-5, with striking blue eyes.
However, it seems the romantic ideal has taken a sharp turn. Today, many on social media are, with a mix of sincerity and sarcasm, advocating for “settling” with partners they might not find instantly attractive. The belief is that such individuals will offer more kindness and dedication than someone conventionally desirable.
While the concept of “dating down” isn’t new—it’s long been an unspoken tactic or a rather impolite observation of an unexpected couple—in 2025, social media has given it a brand new, much harsher identity.
People have managed to make the act of “dating down” even more unkind, coining terms such as “Shrekking” or “intelligence-gap relationships” to label partners they deem less attractive or intellectually compatible.
Camila Cuesta, for one, has firsthand experience with this approach. After dating her ex-boyfriend for several months, she realized that intentionally choosing less attractive men isn’t a guaranteed shield against heartbreak or betrayal.
“It ended up with a lot of cheating and disrespect,” she shared in an interview. “So, it definitely wasn’t effective for me.”
Ms. Cuesta, a 26-year-old healthcare administrator from Miami, recounted how she met her ex on social media in 2022. She immediately noticed he wasn’t her usual type – she preferred tall, muscular men with hair, and he was quite the opposite. Yet, seeking a different experience, she focused on his personality and gave the relationship a chance. A little over a year later, their relationship ended due to what she described as relentless betrayal.
She speculated, “He probably thought, ‘If I could get a relationship with her, I can probably get any other girl.’ He figured if I, someone he perceived as ‘out of his league,’ looked his way, then any other woman would be easy to attract. And that’s precisely what happened.”
The term “Shrekking” draws its name from the movie “Shrek,” where an unconventional ogre ultimately proves more princely than the traditional Prince Charming. Ironically, “getting Shrekked” refers to the reverse: when you deliberately choose a partner you perceive as “beneath” your standards, only for them to cause you pain, much like what happened to Ms. Cuesta.
Kevin Shipley, a 40-year-old digital marketer from Baltimore, acknowledges that “Shrekking” can sting, particularly for those sensitive about their appearance or concerned about being exploited. However, having often been seen as the “less attractive” partner in previous relationships, he remains unbothered by the label.
“I believe I’m handsome,” he asserts. Yet, he recalls past girlfriends admitting early on that he wasn’t their physical ideal. “But once they got to know me,” he explained, “my sense of humor, my intelligence, and the way I treated them made them want to pursue a relationship.”
He candidly admits a degree of superficiality on both ends. While he doesn’t prioritize looks and approaches dating with good intentions, he concedes that being with a beautiful woman elevates his own perceived social standing.
“I actually enjoy the thought,” he revealed, “that when I’m with a particularly attractive woman, people might look at us and wonder, ‘Wow, she’s totally out of his league. How did he manage that?'”
Another unflattering term gaining traction in the dating lexicon is “intelligence-gap relationship.” This refers to couples where one partner might be college-educated while the other isn’t, or where one possesses significantly more knowledge in certain areas—or generally. While some might categorize this as another form of “dating down,” others argue for a more nuanced perspective.
Most would agree that prioritizing genuine emotional connection, shared values, and personal compatibility over mere physical attractiveness is a healthy approach to dating. However, deliberately “dating down” doesn’t automatically ensure a lasting and fulfilling relationship.
Ahmed Sherif, a recent university graduate from Toronto, shared his own journey. During his teenage years and early twenties, he struggled with his weight, acne, and finding a suitable hairstyle. He found that women would date him for his kind personality and humor, but relationships often ended because he didn’t meet their physical ideals.
“I want someone to genuinely like me for who I am,” Mr. Sherif, 25, emphasized. “And I certainly don’t want them to feel a lack of attraction, because that simply makes me feel used.”
Since then, he’s transformed himself, becoming a regular at the gym, losing significant weight, and discovering a flattering haircut. He’s now in a happy two-year relationship that, he proudly states, is far from any “Shrekking” scenario.
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