Welcome to our Late Night Roundup, where we bring you the previous night’s most hilarious and insightful moments, so you can catch up on your sleep – and we can justify watching comedy for a living. If you need a distraction, check out the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
The Government Shutdown: A ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ Level Drama
Day two of the government shutdown was met with a mix of despair and hilarity by late-night hosts. Jimmy Fallon perfectly captured the sentiment, quipping, “No one has any idea how long it will last. People are calling it the ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ of government shutdowns.”
[An embedded YouTube video of Jimmy Fallon’s monologue would appear here.]
“Right now, the government has no funding and no clear path forward. We’ve basically become the United Red Lobster of America. It’s, like, ‘Are we open? Are we open? Are we not? We don’t know.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“If this does last awhile, I think they should at least make it fun for the rest of us, right? I mean, how about for each day of the shutdown, they release one name from the Epstein list?” — JIMMY FALLON
“Services are closed, federal workers are going without pay. Things are so rough, Uncle Sam is already selling feet pics.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“You know what they say: When God closes a food-inspection program, he opens a Listeria outbreak.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Best of the Rest: Shutdown Day Two Punchlines
“It’s day two of the shutdown, and only the most essential services are still operating: Social Security, Medicare and that department that makes up causes for autism.” — RONNY CHIENG
“But this is nice — to raise some extra cash, the Secret Service is using Joe Biden’s car as an Uber.” — GREG GUTFELD
Notable Moments You Might Have Missed
Fans were treated to a surprise appearance by Jon Stewart on “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” where he showcased a unique “side hustle” that delighted the audience.
Don’t Miss This!
Meanwhile, off the late-night stage, Channing Tatum takes on an intriguing role in “Roofman.” Director Derek Cianfrance, who has long admired Tatum’s versatility, notes: “I just thought, here’s a guy who’s the whole package, he can do everything.” In the film, Tatum portrays a down-on-his-luck war veteran who embarks on a series of surprisingly courteous McDonald’s robberies.